Tone Parsons

Ok… I’m a little late on this, as the New Year came upon us a couple of days ago… but I’ve got a good excuse!

I forgot to post.

And now that we have that entirely honest answer, it’s time to roll forward. New Years is so two days ago… we mustn’t dwell on the past.

Today was interesting at the bus stop. Picture if you will, our hero (that’s me, just in case you weren’t paying attention) is standing there by the curb, smoking cigarettes and trying to look cool. Enter from the left, the villain of todays story: a clean cut young man in a suit with an orange shirt and matching tie.

Orange Tie Guy: “Good morning, how are you today?”

Me: (thinks to himslef, “Oh shit… what now?” but gives a nod of the head) “Good morning”

Orange Tie Guy: “It’s nice out this morning, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yeah… it’s not too bad… it’s gotta be at least 45°”

Orange Tie Guy: “Yes, it is nice. Have you found Jesus Christ in your heart?”

And thus began a 15 minute circus of pain I like to call “Jesus on a cattle prod”. He made some reference to Orson Wells at one point (I could have sworn he said that Orson Wells WAS Jesus), asked if I’d like his magazine (Um…. no), and then offered to read some scriptures to me. It was at that point that I pulled out my only defensive weapon and let him have both barrels at point blank range:

Me: “I’m Roman Catholic”

I could see the horror in his eyes. He thought he could save me until that point. He politely excused himself and then quickly scurried off to find his next victim.

Technically, I didn’t lie. I was raised as a Roman Catholic, but after years of recovery, I’m feeling much better now (once you shed the dogma and buckets of guilt, you feel light as a feather). And yes… before you ask, that answer will always, ALWAYS make people who attempt to save you go away. It’s instant “You need to find Jesus” repellent.

They have absolutely no counter for it.