Tone Parsons

Google searches give me joy!

It’s no surprise that I might just happen to have a log analysis tool attached to my domains, and that I might, on occasion, look at the words that people type into google to find my sites.

Of course, this website is all kinds of boring for google searches. All the things that people type in are pretty much in line with the content. But one of my other sites,, is a bit different. There, the #1 search term that brings people to the site is “porn”, and the #2 search term is “dog porn”.

Of course, I don’t have any of either of those two things on the site, but that doesn’t deter them from clicking on it… and they do it in droves! Even though I shut the site down last year, the hits keep coming in (over a quarter of a million unique visitors last year). Sure… that’s not huge for some sites, but for a personal blog, it’s pretty impressive.

I’m not going to post all the depraved sexual crap that people searched for (I don’t want them hitting this site when typing that crap in), but here are the top things for the first 16 days of this month (click “read more” to see it). My comments are in bold.

Motorcycle Related:

  • kawasaki 454 ltd
  • 1980 flh harley davidson (several variants of this)
  • 750 honda ace deluxe

Fun with animals (not the sex kind!):

  • deer in scope (bang! it’s dead!)
  • dead cow (bang again!)
  • dead dog (click… damn, gotta reload)
  • white and black dogs
  • why does my dog lick its butt all the time?
  • what does it mean to dream of a black dog
  • dog pisses in the house
  • monkeys at work
  • pics of deer
  • woman faking dog (we’re pretty sure this is a typo)

Black is the new black:

  • background black & white
  • black and white wallpaper
  • black and decker firestorm 24v drill
  • toyota highlander black
  • black and white 1024*768
  • black ford focus
  • whit and black (a small, black particle?)
  • black drag queens
  • black eye candy

People with a butt facination:

  • butt hole
  • dirty butthole (as apposed to clean?)
  • black woman butt
  • black & white in the butt (the computer game?)
  • giant butt

I don’t like:

  • totally stupid shit
  • i hate myspace (yeah… me too!)
  • i hate cellphones
  • stupid people doing stupid shit (stupid is as stupid does)

Some of these actually make sense with the content:

  • music by kelly hughes band
  • weather 5 day forecast black and white
  • bone screws (flesh nails)
  • cheetos
  • my cubicle
  • looking for man
  • free for your viewing pleasure
  • hair party
  • double checked for accuracy
  • history of the ashtray
  • rodd tidd
  • cool untaken band names
  • money graphics

Um… what?:

  • parent directory *big.jpg -edu -htm -asp -php -? -html -psp -asp -jsp
  • motors woman (Get your motors woman, head out on the highway)
  • what would happen if you but dog spam in a woman (WFT?!?)
  • dog have sexxy people (and people have sexxy dogs!)
  • at&t network operations center
  • woman in cage
  • every time you masterbate (the baby Jesus crys!)
  • contry woman
  • poor white woman (yeah, we feel bad for her too!)

Yes… I spared you from the truly yucky stuff (and believe me… there’s a lot of it). People, for the love of all that’s good and pure, get a hobby!

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