I have to admit, I’ve gone a little movie crazy in the past couple of weeks, picking up DVD’s of a lot of older films that I decided for one reason or another that I must have in my collection. These urges are usually caused by seeing one of them being broadcast.
So today, after finishing all my work (I worked from home), I decided it was time to unwrap all these cinematic treasures, and that leads me to my latest rant…
An Open Letter to the fuckers who package DVDs
I understand that you want to keep them safe, and feel the need to make them as pirate proof as possible, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S GOOD AND PURE, WHAT’S UP WITH THE STICKERS?!?
Some movies only come with one security sticker along the top. I’m totally cool with that, but the little “peel” flap on the back (that is there to supposedly make them easy to remove) is glued down with the adhesive from hell! If you do manage to get a fingernail under the edge of it, you’ve irreparably damaged the plastic of the case.
Then there are those movies where the sticker guy at the factory, after an evening of smoking crack and chewing peyote like it was going out of style, put stickers on every side that could possibly open.
Add to that frustration the fact that if you don’t buy the movies the week they came out on DVD, the glue on thus said stickers begins to dry somewhat, leaving sticky crap along the edges of your DVD case. This can have a couple of different outcomes:
- If you have pets or dust or live on the planet Earth, they become furry little “chia-DVDs” after a stunningly short period.
- If you stack several with the same gluey mess next to each other, you get a DVD brick.
And what the hell is up with the cheap DVD cases? I’ve gotten several where the damn center spindle (that holds the DVD in place) was sheared off, leaving the disc to move around in the case (with the sharp edges and plastic shrapnel) all the way from your factory to my house, leading to some very fucked up DVD’s and one very pissed off me as I have to get someone to drive my ass across town to exchange it.
But, I have a suggestion. Knock it the fuck off with all the damn stickers (one will do fine). The money you save by only putting one on can be invested in a higher quality case.
Oh… and one last thing…. knock it off with the OMFG LOUD “DO NOT PIRATE THIS MOVIE OR WE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND PUT YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IN FEDERAL “POUND YOU IN THE ASS” PRISON” crap!! Christ… the only people who see that are the people who actually buy movies (I’m pretty sure that if it were pirated, they would have stripped that crap right the hell off before sending it out).
I thank you for your time, and hope that your mother can somehow figure out a way to get a retroactive abortion soon.