Tone Parsons

An open letter to people who ring my doorbell

Dear Door to Door Salesperson:

I understand that you’re trying to make a living, win a trip to Europe, or just get credit for showing me your offerings, but I’m not interested.

I do not want to buy your magazines, security system, satellite system, lawn care (did you not notice that I don’t have a lawn?!?), vacuum cleaners, or other various cleaning products.  If I wanted them, I would have already purchased them.

Why do you think that by ringing my doorbell while I’m trying to take a nap would make me suddenly reach for my checkbook?  It didn’t.  Instead, it made me reach for my size 13 Dr. Martins.

Did you not read the sign on my door? (shown above) Was the wording too complex?  Were you not able to decipher my cryptic meaning from the image??  Perhaps you are just so eager to sell your fine product that you either didn’t see my sign, or you thought I was joking.

I assure you, I was not joking.

I am more than willing to kick your junk so hard that you’ll be coughing up chunks of it for the next two weeks.  My Dr. Martins will leave a criss-crossed pattern so deeply entrenched in your groin that it’ll look like a swollen and purple billboard for Der Waffle Haus!

Choose life!


Tone Parsons

1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. bird October 9th, 2008 5:03 pm

    Are those size 13s US or UK 13s? Can you tell I recently bought a pair?

    *right-click, “save image as….”, done*

    Oh and thank you for allowing me to use your signature for various fraudulent purchases.