Tone Parsons

My cousin, Shawn, is the coolest man on the planet.

He read my post yesterday about purchasing a guitar and called me last night with an offer that I could not refuse: borrow his for an unspecified amount of time.

He has a yellow Fender Stratocaster sitting in his basement that’s not being used. Much like myself, he got the itch to play a few years ago, and picked this baby up. Unfortunately, life got in the way and it sat collecting dust for a while now.

So he’s loaning it, an amp, and the rest of the equipment I’ll need. He gave me a few options: borrow it for as long as I like then A) return it when I’m done with it or B) buy it.

How can I say no to that?

I plan on picking it up as soon as I possibly can (no easy feat when you ride the bus). Then, I’m taking it in to the guitar tech and will have them give a tune up (replace the strings, adjust the action, and set the pick-ups to the proper height).

I guess this also means that I’ll be needing to find someplace to take lessons. I have a good friend named Brian who plays just about everything… I’ll see if he can help me out there (he’s quite talented!). If not, I’ve been given the name of a really good instructor who has affordable rates ($15 for a half hour lesson, once a week).

I’m a little giddy.

I’m hoping that this means that next year, when I go to Brian’s New Year’s Eve party… I’ll be able to hang out with the guys, jamming away on the guitar instead of what I did last year…. sitting with the wives, drinking a beer, and wishing I was playing with them.

I’ve decided I need a new hobby.

I don’t really play much on the computer any more (that only took about 20 years to get old for me), and I’m looking for something new to do.

So… I’m thinking of buying a guitar.

Now I’m not going to jump into the abyss that is music head first… that stuff is expensive!  Instead, I’m opting for the safe and sane approach: buy something that’s good (but not great) and see how I like it.  Worst case scenario… I’m out a couple of hundred dollars.

I was thinking of getting an acoustic guitar until I found out that I can get an electric for the same price.  Not only is the cool factor higher, I can wear headphones and spare my family the agony of listening to me torture the instrument (creating that coveted “cat in heat” sound).

I found it in a package deal online for $199 (that’s for the guitar, a crappy amp, crappy bag, cables, shoulder strap, and instructional videos).  Not a bad deal.

I might order it this week.

Ok… I’m a little late on this, as the New Year came upon us a couple of days ago… but I’ve got a good excuse!

I forgot to post.

And now that we have that entirely honest answer, it’s time to roll forward. New Years is so two days ago… we mustn’t dwell on the past.

Today was interesting at the bus stop. Picture if you will, our hero (that’s me, just in case you weren’t paying attention) is standing there by the curb, smoking cigarettes and trying to look cool. Enter from the left, the villain of todays story: a clean cut young man in a suit with an orange shirt and matching tie.

Orange Tie Guy: “Good morning, how are you today?”

Me: (thinks to himslef, “Oh shit… what now?” but gives a nod of the head) “Good morning”

Orange Tie Guy: “It’s nice out this morning, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yeah… it’s not too bad… it’s gotta be at least 45°”

Orange Tie Guy: “Yes, it is nice. Have you found Jesus Christ in your heart?”

And thus began a 15 minute circus of pain I like to call “Jesus on a cattle prod”. He made some reference to Orson Wells at one point (I could have sworn he said that Orson Wells WAS Jesus), asked if I’d like his magazine (Um…. no), and then offered to read some scriptures to me. It was at that point that I pulled out my only defensive weapon and let him have both barrels at point blank range:

Me: “I’m Roman Catholic”

I could see the horror in his eyes. He thought he could save me until that point. He politely excused himself and then quickly scurried off to find his next victim.

Technically, I didn’t lie. I was raised as a Roman Catholic, but after years of recovery, I’m feeling much better now (once you shed the dogma and buckets of guilt, you feel light as a feather). And yes… before you ask, that answer will always, ALWAYS make people who attempt to save you go away. It’s instant “You need to find Jesus” repellent.

They have absolutely no counter for it.