Tone Parsons

I know that summer is on the decline, but I decided that today I would share my OMG SUPPAH SECRET recipe for hamburgers ala Tone.

These tasty little morsels are guaranteed* to please everyone who enjoys a bit of dead cow now and again!

This recipe serves 5, but you could easily make  it serve 6 or 1, depending on how big you make the friggin’ patties.  It’s up to you!

First, round up the ingredients!

• ~1.25 pounds of 80% lean ground beef
• About 1/4 cup of finely chopped red onion
• 2 slices of soft bread (white will do just fine)
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup of milk
• 1/4 tsp of garlic powder
• 1 tbsp of Montreal seasoning
• 1 tbsp of Worcester sauce

Put it all in a large mixing bowl and mash it with your hands, making sure to get it between your fingers, until you can’ t see the bread any more.

Of course, before you do that, you’ll probably want to get some waxed paper out (while your hands are still clean!!). I grab two sheets that are the width of my cutting board (about 2 1/2 feet). Place one on the cutting board, then make 5 balls of the meat mixture and place on the waxed paper. Go wash the crap offa your hands, then place the second sheet of waxed paper on the top of the 5 balls.

Slowly press down on the top sheet of waxed paper to create 5 patties. Once they’re about 5 inches around (or around 1/2 inch thick), you’re ready to cut the paper into 5 separate sections (using a knife). This is handy because you can now put the patties on a plate to carry out to your grill without them sticking to each other.

I usually let my patties sit for about 20 – 30 minutes before putting them on the grill, to let the flavors combine.

Grill until they’re done the way you like ’em. Slap on some cheese if desired (I like pepper-jack or chipotle cheddar, as they add some more “zing!” to the taste) and let it melt.

Now, take ’em into the house, slap ’em on a bun, and enjoy!!

* guarantee not valid in any country where the name of thus said country contains either a consonant or vowel.

This is one of the best compilations I’ve seen so far with the funniest/scariest/amazing videos from the Internet, and all packed in a 12 minutes action-filled video. Enjoy.

Click to view it (Embedding the video was totally wonking up my site, so I had to change it to a link)

She wanted me to tell you the following:

Loving you
Is easy because you’re beautiful….
Making love with you
Is all I want to do….
Loving you
Is more than just a dream come true….
And everything that I do
Is out of loving you….

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring….
Stay with me while we grow old….
And we will live each day in spring time….

Because loving you….
Is easy because you’re beautiful….
And every day of my life
Is filled with loving you….
Loving you….

La, la, la, la, la

la, la, la, la, la

la, la, la, la la, la, la la, oooooo…

du, di, du, du, di, do

IIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Yeah… I know, I didn’t have to share, but I do that because I like you (and I’m on a whole lot of narcotics)

EDIT: This post, for reasons I don’t totally understand, has totally fubar’d my site’s theme. Oops!

Two “must own” movies came out yesterday, 300 and Hot Fuzz. So, I got the kid to drive me off to the store to pick them up.

I have to admit, I’ve gone a little movie crazy in the past couple of weeks, picking up DVD’s of a lot of older films that I decided for one reason or another that I must have in my collection. These urges are usually caused by seeing one of them being broadcast.

So today, after finishing all my work (I worked from home), I decided it was time to unwrap all these cinematic treasures, and that leads me to my latest rant…

An Open Letter to the fuckers who package DVDs

I understand that you want to keep them safe, and feel the need to make them as pirate proof as possible, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S GOOD AND PURE, WHAT’S UP WITH THE STICKERS?!?

Some movies only come with one security sticker along the top. I’m totally cool with that, but the little “peel” flap on the back (that is there to supposedly make them easy to remove) is glued down with the adhesive from hell! If you do manage to get a fingernail under the edge of it, you’ve irreparably damaged the plastic of the case.

Then there are those movies where the sticker guy at the factory, after an evening of smoking crack and chewing peyote like it was going out of style, put stickers on every side that could possibly open.

BEJESUS!!

Add to that frustration the fact that if you don’t buy the movies the week they came out on DVD, the glue on thus said stickers begins to dry somewhat, leaving sticky crap along the edges of your DVD case. This can have a couple of different outcomes:

1. If you have pets or dust or live on the planet Earth, they become furry little “chia-DVDs” after a stunningly short period.
2. If you stack several with the same gluey mess next to each other, you get a DVD brick.

And what the hell is up with the cheap DVD cases? I’ve gotten several where the damn center spindle (that holds the DVD in place) was sheared off, leaving the disc to move around in the case (with the sharp edges and plastic shrapnel) all the way from your factory to my house, leading to some very fucked up DVD’s and one very pissed off me as I have to get someone to drive my ass across town to exchange it.

But, I have a suggestion. Knock it the fuck off with all the damn stickers (one will do fine). The money you save by only putting one on can be invested in a higher quality case.

Oh… and one last thing…. knock it off with the OMFG LOUD “DO NOT PIRATE THIS MOVIE OR WE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND PUT YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IN FEDERAL “POUND YOU IN THE ASS” PRISON” crap!! Christ… the only people who see that are the people who actually buy movies (I’m pretty sure that if it were pirated, they would have stripped that crap right the hell off before sending it out).

I thank you for your time, and hope that your mother can somehow figure out a way to get a retroactive abortion soon.

Sincerely,

Tone Parsons